WASPs

Until today we lived in relative harmony with the critters living in and around our home. The hermit crabs and lizards skitter away as we near, the geckos respectfully watch over us as we sleep, the banana spiders spin webs from our doorways to the bushes but stay still as Christmas ornaments; even the two large cockroaches we killed neglected to lay eggs and re-populate our kitchen.


We like to open our windows and sliding glass door in the morning to let the breeze in and give the air-con a break. There are screens but there are gaps between the screens and their housings. I was doing laundry this morning, holding a pot full of wet laundry (Sloan will explain later), when a wasp entered our abode and hovered straight at my face. I fell straight on my ass trying to dodge its path and closed my eyes hoping it wouldn't sting my forehead. Sloan laughed. You see, I hate flying stinging things. I can deal with sharks, snakes, eels, angry dogs, spiders, the dark, but give it wings and venom and I'm done. I hid in the bedroom while Sloan tried to chase it out with her bare hands, in shorts and a sports bra no less. She opened all the doors and tried to coax it out. She discovered their nest above our front doorway. I came out with a spray bottle of Formula 409 and a towel like a matador but ran back to the room and shut the door every time it came near.

I was afraid for my life and Sloan was just mad she couldn't do her work. Anyway, using a combination of slipper, towel, 409 and opening and shutting various doors we finally trapped it between a screen and glass window and killed it. I went to Kmart and bought $12 worth of wasp killing products and we doused its hive in chemicals. I apologize to all you animal lovers out there. And don't tell me there's some home remedy with vinegar and lemonade that would have lulled them to sleep. I want them dead.

And for those of you who thought this was a blog entry on white over-privileged kids living in the boondocks - shame on you.